mistakes (& some big ones)

Winnie Dixon entering her 16th year - ice be damned / crow + seagull / Oliver, Virgil & Sam / last boat to leave our icy harbour / thai coleslaw - delish ! / the nest aver the boys Oliver & Gussie / before winter really arrived / I do love growing anything / best chapped lip remedy / at the end of Water St. awhile ago / the boys in the penthouse pad / my best girl Dee when we could still walk along the boardwalk

What a waste my life would be without all the beautiful mistakes I've made.
Alice Bag

trying to come to terms with some terrible mistakes I've made this past year - mistakes that continue to haunt me into 2014 - reminding myself just how far I've come and just how much I've learned from these choices/mistakes - trial by fire … that's for sure ;-)

+ Happy, happy birthday Miss Winnie Dixon - 15 yesterday - woo ! hoo !

fix, control & prevent pas

afternoon sun through icy branches / Winnie & Sam / in the backyard / looking out into the Northumberland Straight - ice as far as the eye can see / snow buddies Winn & Sam / on the away to Inn the Elms for lunch with Mary P / ice laden spruce boughs / 29 Black Street bathed in sunshine / ice, ice baby / deep snow on the little birdhouse / back yard trails / Mr. Samuel Leon Berger ;-) 

no more trying to constantly fix, prevent and/or control - this is the year of having faith & learning to surrender

Surrender is the ultimate sign of strength and the foundation for a spiritual life. Surrendering affirms that we are no longer willing to live in pain. It expresses a deep desire to transcend our struggles and transform our negative emotions. It commands a life beyond our egos, beyond that part of ourselves that is continually reminding us that we are separate, different and alone. Surrendering allows us to return to our true nature and move effortlessly through the cosmic dance called life. It's a powerful statement that proclaims the perfect order of the universe. 

When you surrender your will, you are saying, "Even though things are not exactly how I'd like them to be, I will face my reality. I will look it directly in the eye and allow it to be here." Surrender and serenity are synonymous; you can't experience one without the other. So if it's serenity you're searching for, it's close by. All you have to do is resign as General Manager of the Universe. Choose to trust that there is a greater plan for you and that if you surrender, it will be unfolded in time. 

Surrender is a gift that you can give yourself. It's an act of faith. It's saying that even 
though I can't see where the river is flowing, I trust it will take me in the right direction. 

Debbie Ford

We're back from the vet and Miss D had an excellent senior dog check-up. Dianne suggested that Winnie's symptoms (back legs giving out & weak hind end) are most likely caused by her poor old arthritic legs (over the years she's torn both back cruciate knee ligaments) combined with a particularly terrible and hard winter - tres icy everywhere & bitter, bitter cold. Mama'a been catastrophizing yet again … oops guilty. But such a relief to get the opinion of a vet that I trust completely & love dearly. Miss Dee also had her much too long black toe nails trimmed to help her walk a little better on that darn ice - which is everywhere.

living in the in-between

my dear Winnie Dixon / black pine & elm / aster seed heads / snow plow mountains / handsome Samuel / a crow / the salt mine in the distance / back yard buddies Sam & Winn / the snow plows getting the roads tiered & ready for the next dump of snow / love her ♡

This too shall pass

Hakim Sanai

The prayer of the faith full. My prayer. My mantra. My comfort. 
For nothing ever stays the same. 
& I know that to be true … I just forget that I know it.

Winnie turns 15 Friday. I adopted her 14 years ago. She's been having a hard time lately, her body's having a hard  time. Her spirit is still alive and full of love & devotion. Her appetite (especially for cat food ;-) is great ! she sleeps well, she has good days & sound nights, snoring loudly in her bed in our bedroom but her poor arthritic back legs and hind end are not co-operating. This #?*%!! winter is not co-operating. This winter sucks. It's bitter cold and extremely icy interspersed with drifting heaps of snow. Not good for arthritic lil' old legs & trepidation with every step.  We have a trip tomorrow planned to our vet Dianne Stevens in Sackville, NB. Dianne has been our vet (les gang's vet) for nearly 20 years, practically the entire time I've lived in this little village. I'm hoping things will go well. I'm hoping for some good news, some reassurance & some comfort. I trust Dianne. 

I'm living in the in-between times. In between loving and caring for a younger healthy dog and bracing myself for the preparation and pain of letting her go. Letting her go. Letting her leave. Letting Miss D say goodbye when the time is right for her, not when the time is right for me because of course the time will never be right for me. It may be soon … or maybe we have lots more time. I'm trying to become more comfortable living in the lands of in-between. Trying to snuggle into my new favourite cozy sweater - faith. Being full of faith that the Universe has things covered, that I can let down my vigilance & control and relax into these in-between times.

He knew how to handle pain. You had to lie down with pain, not draw back away from it. You let yourself sort of move around the outside edge of pain like with cold water until you finally got up your nerve to take yourself in hand. Then you took a deep breath and dove in and let yourself sink down it clear to the bottom. And after you had been down inside pain a while you found that like with cold water it was not nearly as cold as you had thought it was when your muscles were cringing themselves away from the outside edge of it as you moved around it trying to get up your nerve. He knew pain.

James Jones from Here to Eternity